Them Chains Them Chains are 'bout to Drag me Down

I think I am missing the gene that every woman seems to have. The one that makes them wants to carry a purse at the age of three and continue carrying a purse all their life. I cannot stand my purse and it’s not just the style of a purse it’s just the whole premise of the purse. I have enough to keep track of I don’t need something hanging around my arm that I constantly have to keep track of too. I remember when I started carrying a purse, I was in 6^th grade. You were considered “cool” if you could convince your parents to spend a ridiculous amount of money so you could have all the “cool” brands. The “cool” purse to have was a Liz Claiborne and the “cool” thing to carry in your purse was the triangle style Liz Claiborne perfume. I convinced my mom to buy both things for me along with the Cole Haan loafers and Z Cavaricci jeans that were also “cool”. I have no idea why she spent so much money on shoes or jeans that I would out grow in six months, I guess I was pretty good at getting what I wanted. Anyway, the purse was forest green with brown trim and it was a hang over the shoulder style. Most girls liked the purses with the two small handles, but I didn’t want to deal with it, so I got the long strap so I could wear it like a bandolier and not worry about it. Even after my whole trying to be cool phase was over I still had to carry a purse to hold the girly necessities. After I had Kyle I combined my purse and his diaper bag into one. There was no way I was going to carry a purse and a diaper bag. Then I had to come back to reality when he no longer needed a diaper bag. But something happened; my brain never got the message that I was carrying a purse again. I started leaving my purse everywhere. Like in the car and then I would find it and notice my lipstick was all melted in the bottom of it. Or I would leave it at restaurants and would make it home most times before remembering it. The worst one was when I left it at a restaurant in the Palms and when I went back to get it they had turned it over to hotel security, who in turn put it in the casino lock up. That one took forever to get back. Then there are the few times that I just plain lost it never to be found again, and I had to cancel debit and credit cards and get new driver license and social security card etc… I have left my purse at people’s houses and in their cars. I have left my purse in shopping carts at the grocery store. Tonight I left my purse at someone’s cabin on Mt Charleston. I got halfway down the mountain and noticed that it was missing. It would have been just a normal event in my life but tonight I had a carload of girls whose parents were expecting them to be home at a certain time. And my car was mad at me or something; it was just not acting right. It just so happened that I could not for the life of me get cell phone reception to call anyone back at the cabin. My purse was stuck in a coat closet and I thought no one is going to see it and think to bring it so I’ll have to go back. The girls didn’t mind, they were watching Napoleon Dynamite and having a good time. So I get to the cabin and grab my purse, which they DID notice and WERE going to bring to me, and start down the mountain again. This time no one was following me to see if my car decided to leave me stranded on the side of the road with a carload of girls and no cell phone reception. But we made it just fine and all the girls got home safe and sound. Oh how I hate purses, the evil cursed things and I’m not so hip on my car right not either.